Sirius Black's Journal
by Flower 'n' Prongs
Summary: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his life after Hogwarts. Plus, what does Harry think when he finds a hidden book in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place?
1. Harry's Discovery

**Sirius Black****'****s Journals**

**Author**: Lily, pen name _Flower 'n' Prongs_

**Disclaimer**: A year since I first put this up and I still don't anything. You'd think I could have been able to use some of this time to my advantage but apparently not. Anything and everything that you recognize still belongs to JK Rowling.)

**Summary**: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

**Notes: **Yes, I'm back and ready to go! I had a stroke of inspiration wondering to myself "what if Harry found the journals after his godfather died?" and voila! I'd really appreciate it if those who read reviewed, it's very frustrating to have the hits go up into the hundreds but only have three reviews. Thanks to all who listen. Also, I've been bumping the orders of the chapters around a little bit to try and make it more fun to read.

For this chapter…  
**Pairings:** Lily and James (mentioned), Harry and Luna (very lightly implied)  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: language, may contain spoilers for Deathly Hallows, minor AU

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**Harry's Discovery**

June 17th, 1999

2:42 PM

Harry James Potter was brooding. It had been one year since he defeated Voldemort in the final battle, which would most people were out celebrating. However, for Harry it also meant that it was one year since he had seen his parents, Sirius, and Remus. As good as his friends, the Weasley family, Kinsley, and were too him, it wasn't the same. The three _true_ Marauders, Lily, and Dumbledore were the incredibly important to him as they gave him a connection to his childhood, and he couldn't have a single one of them.

Ever since the (second) fall of Voldemort, Harry had returned to Number 12, Grimmauld Place very often. It was a place where he could be alone and think, away from the group of people who cared most about him. He would never tell anybody where he was going, he simply would say "out" and hurry to the house he inherited. As much as he knew Sirius had hated the place and as much as he disliked it before, he connected the house to his godfather.

It didn't take much for him to imagine Mrs Black screaming at Sirius when he came back from Hogwarts and told her about his friends in a similar fashion to how the portrait screamed at the inhabitants recently. He could picture Sirius, very similar to how he had been seen in Snape's memory from the first day of school, be yelled at for being a Gryffindor and befriending scum. He could imagine his godfather being kept away from the rest of the Marauders except for respectable, pure-blood James Potter over the summer holidays much as he had been shut in the Dursley's house all those years.

He knew that his friends were starting to get worried about him disappearing without any mention of where he was going at an increasing rate, but he didn't feel like explaining everything to them since he was sure they wouldn't understand. He had lost so much where they had lost so little, he was positive they didn't understand how he felt when he thought about them all. It was more complicated and painful than the others could understand, even with the loss of Fred.

There had been times when he didn't go to Number 12, Grimmauld Place and went to go see another place or person instead. There had been several times when he went back to Godric's Hollow, to see where he had become famous and where his parents had died all those years ago. He needed to go back alone this time, just to spend time alone with his parents' graves and his first house. It had reduced him to tears every time, but he uncontrollable desire to go back. He had looked through the house from top to bottom, examining it. All of the things his parents had picked out were still there, and his first bedroom remained untouched. Harry had been returning more frequently, as it was the place that he felt closest to his parents in.

There had been a few of times when he went to see Luna Lovegood. Over Christmas and Easter he had gone to visit her, since he was positive that she would understand his anger and sadness of losing people in her own crazy, reassuring way. She reminded him of the voices behind the veil and that he had the chance to see Dumbledore again, for he had told her everything that he had seen after he had been hit with Voldemort's curse. In her typical Luna way, she understood everything that he was saying. Since she believed him entirely and didn't get confused in the slightest, Harry had told her the entire story, which he hadn't done to anybody else. She had assured him that between seeing their old headmaster and having his parents, Sirius, and Remus show out up out of the resurrection stone, it was proof that he would see them in the afterlife.

Her great understanding, her always being willing to listen, and her love had Harry feeling as if he could always go to Luna's and be welcome. Half-guiltily, half-happily, he had begun to feel closer and closer to Luna and not care so much about Ginny. He felt quite bad to put it in that way, the Weasley family had always been so good to him and he cared for the entire family a lot, including Ginny. But he was starting to notice Luna sneaking into his pleasant dreams recently and Ginny was appearing less frequently.

However, on that sunny day in July Harry was sitting in the kitchen of Sirius's childhood home, being served excitedly by Kreacher. He had visited his old home previously that week and was not sure if he had the strength to go back just yet. He had brought the old photo album he had with him and flipped through it in what seemed to be his mum and dad's old bedroom. He had remained there for hours, and when he finally went to see everybody at the Burrow they were extremely grateful for him to finally have showed up. He refused to tell anybody where he had been though, much to their frustration. What Harry really wanted to do was talk to Luna about missing his parents, but he knew that she was at Hogwarts for a little while longer before she finished school.

Without being able to talk to Luna, he decided that the next best thing would be to go back to Grimmauld Place, his most common destination. He had already spent the morning re-examining everything in the house, in hopes of finding something else that had once belonged to his godfather. With a bit of hope, he finally decided to ask the house elf for a bit of help. "Er, Kreacher?"

Kreacher's head popped out from under the table. "Yes Master? Is there something that you would like Kreacher to do?"

Harry turned his chair to face the elderly house elf. "Yes. Kreacher, is there anywhere in the house that you remember Sirius going to often or hiding things when he was a boy? I would really appreciate it if you told me anything that you could remember."

Kreacher sad by the legs of the chair, apparently thinking hard. Suddenly, the elf broke into a wide, excited grin. "Yes Master!" he exclaimed, nodding so eagerly that his long ears flapped. "Come with me, follow Kreacher! He will show you to Master Sirius's old spot." The elf jumped up with greater force than Harry expected, quickly heading for the stairs. The pair went up and up the staircase to the fourth floor, before Kreacher turned down a corridor and brought Harry to a stop in front of a door.

Harry carefully pushed the door open and looked into the room. It seemed to be fairly normal, considering the rest of the house. The walls were a deep blue, the carpet was silver, and it seemed to have been a spare bedroom at one point. Harry didn't remember clearing it out, he assumed that it had been checked over before he got there so somebody could use it as their room. He figured that Kreacher would know, so Harry crouched beside him. "Did somebody sleep here when this house was the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix?"

Kreacher nodded. "Yes Master," he said seriously. "The older of the Weasley boys who stayed here, the two matching ones."

Harry sighed in relief. He figured that if Fred and George had been the two who shared the room, they wouldn't have spent too much time looking around the room to find something. He remembered that they had spent a lot of time that summer trying to perfect their Skiving Snackboxes, so he figured that the room was probably in almost the same state that it had been when they got there, minus some Dark objects. "Kreacher, do you have any idea where he might have hidden something in this room?"

Kreacher shook his head after a couple of moments, looking disappointed. Before he had the chance to harm himself, Harry hurried to give the elf his next order. "That's all right then, you and I will just have to look through the room ourselves then," he said with in a falsely cheery tone.

Harry and Kreacher spent nearly an hour in the room before any headway was made. It came from Kreacher, who had been checking the lower half of the room. Harry had already examined the ceiling, a rather large cabinet, and was just finishing up doing an inch by inch search of the wardrobes when the elf cried out, making Harry bump his head on the side of the wardrobe.

"Master Harry, there's something weird about the floor here!" the elf cried happily. He was pointing towards the baseboards near the far corner of the room, underneath the carpet. The floor was what the elf had checked after the beds and part of the cabinet Harry had also been working on. Harry went over to see what was suspicious about that particular piece of floor, but didn't see anything weird about it.

When Kreacher was asked about this, he merely shook his head and insisted that there was definitely something different about that particular area of floor, which was less than a 30 centimetre by 30 centimetre square. He figured that after doing so much cleaning, Kreacher must be able to tell the difference in something like a floor much more easily than he could, so he didn't question it any longer. "Master, you will have to," the elf gulped, "pull up the carpet." He looked terrified at the thought. Harry really hoped that it was because he was thinking of what his poor Mistress Walburga Black would say, and not because he knew about some Dark spell or creature that was going to cause them harm if they pulled up the carpet.

With a bit of magic and a lot of tugging, Harry and Kreacher managed to get the carpet away from the wall enough so they could see what was below it. Much to Harry's relief, it turned out that there wasn't anything Dark (as far as he could tell). The only think that he could see was a rectangle carved in the floor underneath.

It seemed that it would be simple and safe enough, but both Harry and Kreacher had a great deal of difficulty getting the necessary grip or force on the piece of wood to actually be able to pull it up. It took the pair several minutes, but they were finally successful in moving it. The hole underneath wasn't very big, Harry could put his fingertips on the bottom without having his wrist in the hole. There was only one thing inside the hole that Harry could find.

When he pulled it out, he was surprised to see that it was a book. Harry was surprised to see that there was no title and no author on it. Out of pure curiosity, he opened it to see what was so bad about the book that it had to be hidden away, under floor boards and carpet, to keep people from seeing it. Harry opened it to the first page and saw that the page had his godfather's handwriting on it. Harry read through it, amused.

The firs thing written was "_Keep your nose out of this unless you want to be hexed to oblivion!_", written in bright blue ink. It was followed by "_Not being able to see your best friend can make people moodier than Moony at that time of month, so don't say that you weren't warned!_" in black ink. Below it, Harry saw many things that must have been Sirius's nicknames in various coloured inks. _Sirius_, _Padfoot_, _Snuffles_, _Blood-traitor Black_, and, the last one made Harry laugh out loud, _Mr Lily Evans (take that Prongs!)_ were all by the bottom the page.

When Harry turned the page over, he raised an eyebrow. Surely this book wasn't what he _thought_ it was. However, as he flipped through seeing dates, times, photos, and the constant change of variety in ink, he began to laugh. He saw the phrase "journal, _not_ a diary you idiots" and his suspicion was confirmed.

His manly godfather, who had been widely known as a mass murderer, had a _journal_.

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**Notes:** If I don't get reviews, I will assume that you didn't enjoy it and won't be continuing (only _three_ reviews for nearly 500 views makes me think I won't be). Well, now that I've stuck this chapter in I'm not sure if I'm going to stop it here or add an extra chapter or two, possibly where any of the following would happen:

- Harry looks through the journal (I have ideas, don't worry).  
- Harry goes back to the Burrow to see everybody there, possibly telling them about his discovery at Number 12, Grimmauld Place.  
- Luna shows up again.

Anything you'd rather see? Ideas and opinions wanted. You've already read it, which is the hard part, so please review it now. Looking forward to hearing from you all! I'd really like to have at least five reviews for this story (hint hint).


	2. Secret Keeper

**Sirius Black's Journals**

**Author**: Lily, pen name _Flower 'n' Prongs_

**Dedicated to:** my sister, for all of those discussions about darling Padfoot )

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter. Didn't own it when I first wrote these, don't own any of it now either (sadly). If so, the epilogue for _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ would be very different. If you recognize it, it belongs to JK Rowling… that is pretty much the first four chapters then folks.

**Summary**: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

**Notes & Rants: **This is something I had to write for school after reading a novel (I, of course, picked _Prisoner of Azkaban_). I thought that I'd post it just for the sake of it, to see what people think about it. It's not that great, I could probably do better, but I still enjoyed writing it and think it would be interesting to read.

Please review if you read, so few reviews for so many hits is not fun as it makes me assume that nobody liked it and they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I would rather you reply saying what you didn't like, in fact, I would highly appreciate it so it would help me with other stories. I would prefer constructive criticism or positive replies, but I'll take what I can get.

For this chapter…

**Pairings:** Lily and James (mentioned)  
**Rating**: K+  
**Warnings**: minor language

Okay, here goes nothing. Hope you enjoy it! (By the way, it improves as the story progresses.)

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**Secret Keeper**

October 23rd, 1981

9:30 PM

He's lost it. Seriously, seriously lost it. I mean it this time. Of all the people in the world he's using me, Sirius "Padfoot" flippin _Black_, as his Secret Keeper.

Why? Okay, so I can see why he's using me. I am, after all, his best friend of… er… ten years, but still. It's me we're talking about! Probably not the most brilliant move ever if I do say so myself (which I do!). Also, has dear Lily Flower lost all of her common sense since she married Prongs? It's starting to seem like it. Those two aren't thinking straight! They can't pick me to do it, it would be too obvious. The first person that would be assumed to be the Secret Keeper is going to be me, no question about it. At least not if Prongs had a say in it. I'm his best friend, lived with him for a while when we were sixteen, I was the best man when he married Lilykins, and we're like brothers. It's just too bloody obvious.

Ergh! Stupid James… and I suppose that Lily is kinda stupid too. She should be able to talk some sense into him… he did whatever she told him to do at Hogwarts, and agreed with everything she wanted for the wedding! Yet she can't talk some sense into him now when it's a life-or-death situation?

Now I pity Harry… look who he's stuck with as his parents! Okay okay, they're usually really good parents, but this is an exception to the rule. Putting poor little Harry's life on the line because I'm James's best friend. I mean, I wouldn't be insulted if they hadn't picked me. Actually, I would be insulted. But, alas, that's not the point of this. They should always put his life before my temporary disappointment. Always. I'm sure even some exceptionally thick bloke could get that. But, it seems, that my friends have now turned into two very thick blokes. Er, girl and bloke. You know what I meant!

Okay, so what was I talking about? Right… Prongs Jr's safety first. Well, that's it then. I will refuse to be their Secret Keeper because it would be too obvious. Not that difficult… but if I refuse to do it, then who will they pick? I can't just leave them without a Secret Keeper. That would be even worse. Who else would they pick though? Hmm…

Well, I highly doubt that they'd pick Moony right now. I mean, he hasn't been around much lately and we don't know if he's gone to the Dark side or not. I don't think he has, but I could be wrong. Who else is there though who we thought to be trustworthy?

Well I suppose that they could always pick Wormtail. We've still seen him quite a bit and why would Voldemort and Company (cough half my so-called family cough) think of him? It's not like he's that amazing of a wizard or anything. I mean honestly… if he wasn't a Marauder, I don't think anybody would have even known who the kid was. Even though he was the biggest outsider of the group, if there was one, he's still the best option whether we like it or not.

So that's that. Tomorrow, I will go and tell Lily and James to make a quick change to Peter instead of me and life will improve. Simple as that. Then we can move on with our lives and I won't have to worry about them picking the most obvious one.

Ah… it's been a loooong day and I should probably sleep on this, see if I think of any other things that could cause some problems before I make the Peter suggestion.

--Padfoot/Sirius


	3. It's All My Fault

**Sirius Black****'****s Journals**

**Author**: Lily, pen name _Flower 'n' Prongs_

**Disclaimer**: I haven't acquired ownership of Harry Potter since the last chapter, quite a pity really. If I owned it, we would have several different couples in the books. )

**Summary**: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

**Notes & Rants: **Review if you read this, even if you didn't like it! A couple lines would do for me, just to know that people are appreciating (or strongly disliking) my work is important because it's a reaction.

For this chapter…

**Pairings:** Lily and James (mentioned)  
**Rating**: K+  
**Warnings**: minor language, murder discussed _very_ often

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**It's All My Fault**

November 1st, 1981

3:00 AM

It's all my fault… I did it… I pretty much killed them.

What have I done? They're dead. I as good as killed my best friend. And not just James, like that wasn't bad enough, I pretty much killed Lily too. After how long it took to get them together and to have them have a perfectly happy life together, what do I do? Go and give that… that… _thing_ that we were friends with for so long the right to be their Secret Keeper so he can blab their location to Voldemort.

If basically killing the guy who was like my brother and his wife wasn't bad enough, I orphaned my godson at the same time I killed those two! Poor Harry. Some godfather I am, going and getting his parents killed so he can be an orphaned on the day… night… whatever… that he turns fifteen months old.

Great.

To top it all off, I'm the one that they think sold Lily and James out to Voldemort. That would mean I was a Death Eater… but I guess my family doesn't really help with that much either. And that means that I get a quick one-way ticket to Azkaban faster than I could say "I'm innocent".

So, what I did in the past 24 hours:

· As good as killed my best friend

· Did the same to his wife

· Orphaned their son… who just happens to be my godson too

· Get to have a nice, little family reunion in Azkaban

Lovely. What a perfect day. Just what I always wanted to happen to me. Especially all at once.

Okay, let's be honest. I'm doomed to spend the rest of my days being all depressed because I killed two of the only people that ever really cared about me, I also get to spend the rest of my life worrying about Harry and how much better his life could have been if his parents were still alive, I get to spend the next however-many decades locked up inside a Azkaban cell surrounded by Dementors day in and day out. Perhaps I'll get to reconcile with my lovely cousin Bellatrix over tea to top it off, she's bound to accept me more now that I'm supposed to me a murderer.

I can't wait for the rest of my life. It would probably be smarter to suicide than to go there. At least that way I wouldn't feel guilty about selling out Lily and James if I died too. But then again, I couldn't really take care and pay attention to Harry like I promised would I? I'd be no better off than his parents. I'll live for now then.

Peter, on the other hand, is going to get to go and meet up with his so called "friends" who he sold out to Voldemort very soon. He can explain to James and Lily and see how they react to all this. At that point, he'll be glad he's dead.

Then again, I'm sure if James could find a way he'd kill that evil bastard again.

I knew I liked that Prongs for a reason.

--Padfoot/Sirius


	4. Azkaban This Place Sucks

**Sirius Black****'****s Journals**

**Author**: Lily, pen name _Flower 'n' Prongs_

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own the Harry Potter series… gosh darn it! Though, for you big "ooh I lurve canon!" people (no offence intended) people, that's probably a very good thing to you. )

**Summary**: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

**Notes & Rants: **Review if you read this, even if you didn't like it at all. A couple lines would do for me, though more is preferred, just to know that people are appreciating (or strongly disliking) my work is important because it's a reaction.

For this chapter…

**Pairings:** Lily and James (mentioned)  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: language

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**Azkaban: This Place Sucks!**

July 24th, 1986

11:30 AM

Why did I have to suggest Peter… now I'm stuck in this place for a long time. I want out! NOW!

It gets more and more boring in here by the day. There is absolutely nothing here… _at all_. A freezing cold building on an island that is totally surrounded by water. A view of water gets quite boring after a while. Like… over four years of it and if you hadn't lost your mind because of the Dementors in the place you'd be starting to go insane.

If there was someway out of this place without having to find some rat that could easily be anywhere in the world by now, I'd jump at the opportunity. Even if it meant… um… getting fleas like I was a dog. I mean, you can't get much worse than that. Er… but if there was a way to get rid of the fleas, the second I got the chance they would be gone. They're almost as bad as being in here. Not quite, but almost. I don't think that there's anything on the planet that could be worse than this.

I'm serious. And I mean serious, not Sirius… that joke is so fucking _old_. Not to mention that it's pretty pathetic that I'm telling myself it. Very pathetic actually. After being popular for years and being able to see pretty much whoever you wanted to whenever you wanted to being alone for four years and (almost) nine months is very annoying. Also, it's Harry's sixth birthday in a week, which I promised James and Lily that I'd visit him on every year, and I'm stuck in here all alone.

I've been horrible to that kid. Get myself chucked in Azkaban after I as good as kill his parents and… _never_ visit him on his birthday. Sure, I visited him on his actual birth day, as in the day he was born, but never after that. I was too "busy" doing Order stuff to go on his first birthday (I'm sure I could've gotten out of that, I could've been there for him and seen James again dammit) and have been in _here_ for the rest of them.

Well, anyway, as I was saying… uh, what was I saying? It certainly wasn't the serious/Sirius joke, which happens to have been told to me at least once every couple of days for as long as I can remember. Stupid uncreative people having to say the same joke over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. But, as I said, it wasn't about that. I was actually about to start talking about how this compares to my "family" home back in London. Or should I say, what _was_ my family home back in London.

Well whatever it is that I can call that place, I think that it would even be better than here. I never thought that I would want to have to go back there, but it seems that I have suddenly become so desperate that even going to the place I once (foolishly) called home doesn't seem so bad. And if that doesn't tell you how bad this place is, I don't know what is.

It would be nice to get out of here… where there are people, things to do, and real food. It would be nice to see people again. I could explain what happened to Dumbledore, forgive Moony for thinking he was the spy, keep my promise to Prongs and Lily Flower and be a fatherly figure to Prongs Jr, murder Peter, and other good things like that. I could play Quidditch, go to Diagon Alley, give any remaining relatives I have a… er… nice visit (especially ones who have a lot of relatives in Azkaban), and see the remaining Marauders.

Wait a second… that would leave me with Moony. Uh, I guess that's not a group. Unless you count Prongs Jr because he is, after, all a complete clone of Prongs (except the eyes) and a Junior Prongs. At least he was last time I checked.

Then I could eat. Mmm… food! And real food too, not this cheap stuff that looks (and smells) like it died a decade or so before I was born. Apple pie, chocolate frogs, cookies, liquorice wands, those Muggle things that there was at Prongs's wedding, cauldron cakes, blueberry pie, pumpkin pasties, chocolate cake… Okay, I guess that this isn't the smartest idea in the world. Chances are I'll never get to eat any of that again. I, being as lucky as I am, will get to spend the rest of my life eating things like bread, salad that's on the limp side, and other things that mould was likely picked off only minutes before giving it to me.

I suppose that there are worse things in the world though. For instance, the fact that poor little Prongs Jr is stuck with his dear Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon. And cousin what's-his-face. I would kill myself if I was stuck with people like that or move out. Er… I did do that. Oops. But whatever. At least now you know that I'm not a liar because I did actually do that! Ha! If only those damn Ministry officials would believe the other stuff I say, I'd be home free.

Also, little Peter could now be anywhere in the world off making plans to kill more people. Or bring Voldemort back to power. But, since he's so stupid, I somehow doubt that he could do that without a lot of help. Kinda like him using us to become a stupid Animagus. We should have realized that he was nothing but an evil little power-seeking, stupid bastard when he became a rat. But noooo of course we didn't. We were too caught up in our own brilliance to think about it. Which, in fact, shows how stupid we actually were.

Well, I suppose we can't change that now. Unless somebody has a time turner that can take us back about 15 years to stop Remus, James, and I from befriending him. But then I'd have to go back to being 11. Which, needless to say, would suck. There's got to be a better plan than that. Well, if I ever come up with one I'll take action… as long as I don't end up 11 years old again.

I can finally hear somebody coming with food. Which is great, besides the fact that it's no longer breakfast time and I have a very strong feeling that they made the cereal or whatever then so now it's all soggy. Gross. Seeing as I'm currently bored out of my mind but starving, I will eat then try to take a nap. If that doesn't work, back to this. Again.

--Padfoot/Sirius

PS: I was right. The cereal was soggy.


	5. Somebody, Just Shoot Me Already

**Sirius Black****'****s Journals**

**Author**: Lily, pen name _Flower 'n' Prongs_

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own the Harry Potter series… gosh darn it! Though, for you big "ooh I lurve canon!" people (no offence intended) people, that's probably a very good thing to you. )

**Summary**: Sirius Black wrote in a journal, which he kept hidden from the world to protect his ego. This shows you four of the biggest days in his post-Hogwarts life, (the Secret Keeper suggestion, the day the Potters die, a day in Azkaban, and breaking out). Recently added -- Harry finds the hidden book.

**Notes & Rants: **Review if you read this, even if you didn't like it at all. A couple lines would do for me, though more is preferred, just to know that people are appreciating (or strongly disliking) my work is important because it's a reaction.

For this chapter…  
**Rating**: T  
**Warnings**: language

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**Somebody, Just Shoot Me Already**

July 20th, 1994

1:30 PM

Hmm, maybe that isn't such a good title for this seeing as I'm in a prison that's filled with criminals. Half of them have been convicted for murder too. That can't be a good sign. But then again, I'm supposed to be friends with at least half of them… but I'm not. And I'm also supposed to be related to half of them. But that's not exactly true either. Not to mention that I'm suppose to be a murderer myself.

I can't believe that it's the middle of summer and I'm surrounded by nice, clear blue water yet I can't go swimming! That's not surprising though, because I can't do much of anything. I've been saying that repeatedly for over a dozen years though, haven't I?

At least something interesting is going to happen today. We get an inspection by the Minister of Magic. Great. Fabulous. I get to be questioned about something I didn't do in the first place. But at least he'll be a person to talk to. An actual person too, not just a diary like I've been using as a person for the past however long I've been in here… because, I'm sorry to say, you're not a person. Then again, because he's a politician I'm not sure if he is either.

Seeing as Azkaban is in a top-secret place, maybe I can ask him how he knows where it is. Maybe he was sent here. Chances are he couldn't have been Minister for Magic then. But, seeing as it's quite likely all politicians are crazy and convicted for something or other, he could have just done the least worst (best?) crime. Is there such thing as a best crime? I suppose that it could possibly because they tell the Minister of Magic this kind of stuff.

I think that this is all unjust though. Why do they tell the Minister everything? They can't be trusted you know. Look at that American guy, Nixon… but then again, he was American. And a president. Not a good combination, as us smart people know. But I suppose that he can be trusted more than that guy because he's not an American president, but a British Prime Minister instead. That should make him more trustworthy. Maybe. I still haven't really figured that one out. Which is shocking, because you think that after spending that much time in here with the ability just to think I would have figured it out but noooo, of course not. That would be much too much like work for my liking. That's the bonus of being in here, not having to work. But even not having to work gets boring after a while.

I can't believe I just said that. I suppose that it's true though.

Wait a second… I hear footsteps! That means that there is a person coming, a real live person! Not Dementors again, but some person who is going to talk. (More commonly known as the Cornelius Fudge.) Well, I suppose the food-bringing person is a person, but they don't talk so they don't really count. I should make sure they never see that though, because if they do then I'm probably going to end up without food.

I hear voices! That's good, very good… but I better hide this for when they come. Otherwise they may get some pretty weird thoughts. I know that if I saw --

…

Okay, Fudge came to do the routine "inspection" yet again. But, because he is a semi-nice guy he gave me his paper. I told him I missed doing the crosswords, which is true, but he seemed kinda iffy about that. Maybe he was reluctant to give me news of the "real world". Why? I dunno. He's weird like that.

I can't believe that I actually have an unread newspaper just sitting right here beside me. I'm trying to hold out with reading it. It makes it seem more normal in here that way. Well, not the "hold out from reading the paper" thing, the fact that I have a _newspaper_ beside me. The bad thing is, I'm impatient already… and if I wait too long, it will no longer _really_ be news will it? It's really a pity Fudge only left about half an hour ago and I'm already this anxious. Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to just read the first article. I mean, what's the worst I can do? Not like I'm going to escape to kill anybody.

…

It's Peter. On the front page. Wormtail. On the bloody _front page _of the Daily Prophet for the entire wizarding world to see! I hope Remus sees this and looks _really_ carefully at it. It looks just like him! And… wait a second… he _is_! He's missing one of his toes! Ha! I could do a dance. That rat (hahaha no pun intended… but that's not even funny… I must've _really_ lost it) is on the front page of the paper! The tosser has just incriminated himself! As a rat, both inside and out. He's sitting on some red-head kid's shoulder. In front of a pyramid… why the _hell_ is Peter in Egypt!?

Well… either this kid goes to Hogwarts or he's a teenage drop-out. So Peter's with Harry. That traitor is going to try to kill him I know it. And I'm not just going to sit in here and let this happen. I'm escaping to kill Peter. One problem… how? Er, let's see. I could drown him, burn him, shoot him, strangle him, suffocate him, torture him, stab him… maybe even Avada Kadarva him for good measure. How do I get out of Azkaban on the other hand… that could be more difficult. But if Peter can use being an Animagus to his advantage, so can I.

--Padfoot/Sirius


End file.
